2025 Review: Owning My Mind (ft. David Goggins)

A few weeks ago, I declared 2025 a success.

On the surface, there are only a handful of wins, none of which are super impressive. 

I bought a car, learned how to drive, got my driver’s licence, earned a 25% hike at work, improved my physique at a higher margin, read some great books, and became a master of time and project management.

At first glance, it looks dope, but it really isn’t. 

Someone of my age should already have a driver’s licence, and a 25% hike means little when your base compensation isn’t that high to begin with. So, from a peer-established baseline perspective, my visible achievements weren’t so crazy.

However, the mental gains have been immense. Typically, I am extremely harsh on myself when evaluating my progress. Despite my bluntness and sky-high expectations, I’ve managed to exceed expectations.

If I were to summarize the psychological growth in one line, it’d be: I have gained ownership over my mind.

In the rest of this journal, I’ve retraced the journey that has led to that transformative achievement to help others do the same.

Minimal distractions to expose insecurities

We all have insecurities about everything. Appearance, job description, material possessions, annual income, etc., the list goes on. The correct way to deal with such insecurities is to embrace the uncontrollables and take action to improve the controllables.

Of course, that’s easier said than done because we are humans. I, for one, have dealt with such insecurities by indulging in various distractions. And unfortunately, it became a habit before I knew it.

Since my college days, I’d resort to cheap thrills like social media, pornography, junk food, and daydreaming (my favorite) to cheer myself up. Over time, my brain treated them as the cure for any uncomfortable situation or conversation.

Before I knew it, I’d reach for my pacifiers whenever things got tough. Don’t get me wrong, I will complete daily tasks, personal and professional. 

But whenever it was something painful, such as accepting that I’ll be bald (from 22 years of age) and that my financial growth will be slower than most of my peers, I’d avoid those mental conversations.

Instead, I’d indulge in many of the vices mentioned earlier. Unfortunately, my biggest distraction, daydreaming, was within me. It didn’t come from an external device or location that I can physically take care of.

At the start of this year, due to various circumstances, I had to confront those realities. I could no longer seek solace in my imagination. I was living in a fictitious universe where things were dandy. 

After reality forced me to rip that band-aid off, the truth became public knowledge, for it was no longer buried in my subconscious. 

For many years, I had swept my many insecurities under the carpet. The carpet was made up of all the bad coping mechanisms I held on to. Once removed, it exposed how ugly my life was under the surface. It hurt. Bad. I felt helpless and hopeless.

And that was just the beginning I needed.

Forcing the mind onto a thought loop

When you do something for years, your brain internalizes it and labels it as a default course of action for that particular situation.

For instance, whenever feeling anxious, if you watch porn, even if it’s a couple of times a week, your brain will make the connection. Then, next time, whenever you feel uneasy when doing something difficult and uncomfortable, your brain will immediately bring up carnal thoughts.

The same applies to any object of addiction, including daydreaming.

I had elaborate fantasies of abundant lifestyles in my head that were far from the reality I was living. This took me by surprise because it happened subconsciously in the background for many years. 

By the time I realized it, the sheer magnitude of the problem broke me.

The solution was to consciously watch my thoughts and check my mind whenever it veered off in terrible directions. I had to stay present in the moment and focus on the task at hand.

It was painful, to say the least. The primary reason wasn’t that my visits to dreamland decreased; it’s the shattering of it. The fantasy broke because I was too far behind in life than I had originally anticipated, leading to ego death (of some sort).

Dealing with the newfound, brutal truth while performing the tasks required to dig myself out of the hole I voluntarily fell into was hard. 

Every day was a war within myself. Even basic activities like making the bed, mopping the floor, and working out felt immensely complex and difficult. There were several moments throughout the year when I experienced nervous breakdowns. Not kidding.

Embracing the suck and the grind

During September, I picked up David Goggins’ “Can’t Hurt Me,” a bestseller in the self-help department. I drew inspiration from the former Navy SEAL on many occasions in my life, and it was time to read his story.

Basically, the legend came from filth. Absolute rock bottom. And now, he is one of the baddest motherfuckers out there. He endured abuse, racism, and cursed genetics to rise above all.

One of the key things he said to himself when he was on his way up was that “It’s gonna suck, and there are no shortcuts for you, David.” I paraphrased it, but that was the gist of it.

That helped me reshape my perspective about my messed-up reality. My journey from a terrible place to a better destination will require me to suffer. I have to fundamentally alter myself in many ways, which is a difficult thing in itself.

Plus, the many years of ignored insecurities and problems swept under the rug that are now hellish will make progress even tougher. 

I accepted that the grind will suck every day. I embraced the fact that “happiness” is far away from where I am, and it may never arrive. I promised myself that I would still show up, as stubborn as usual, refusing to give up.

Adopting a new way of thinking is difficult. Admitting that I’ve been a failure in many regards is gruelling. Crawling through a dark tunnel with the possibility that light may never arrive is bleak.

That was my reality. In many ways, it still is. I have made some progress, but I still have a long way to go from where I stand.

Just like David Goggins, I owned my hammered reality and kept on pushing, knowing that I may never make it.

Maximizing every day, no matter what

During my stint as an engineer, I’ve picked up the amazing ability to break complex processes and workflows into small, bite-sized tasks. 

After mapping my path out of rock bottom, I identified the action items and assigned myself the same based on my daily abilities. It was quite tough at first. 

My ability to deal with anxiety, stress, and sustained cognitive load was still improving. There were many days when I struggled to sleep. There was a week in April-May when I barely caught a couple of hours of shuteye per day.

I always had too much on my to-do list. The sheer weight of so many demanding action items was crushing. So much so, I became hyperattentive toward meaningless social parameters, screwing up my sleep cycle further.

It became so severe that my trip to Thailand with friends was partially marred by it. There was a constant war within my mind, upsetting my thoughts. I tried my best every day to keep my brain on designated thought loops, but it wasn’t enough.

During this painful period, which I had anticipated, I became numb. It was a self-preserving mechanism where I looked at life from a pessimist’s perspective with an optimist’s actions.

Every moment sucked and hurt. I felt lonely because I couldn’t share my feelings with anyone except my journal. On top of that, there were additional life challenges that demanded I push even harder.

A few months of hell passed, and it dawned on me: I was still showing up. There were days when I felt broken, shattered even, but that didn’t stop me from putting in the hours. Work, workout, and content — my holy trinity. And I upheld it with everything I’d got.

This allowed me to tweak my perspective even further. I knew earlier that the focus should be on the actions, not their potential results. Now, I was a practitioner of those words.

The definition of winning changed from “improving commercial metrics” to “giving it all, every day.” Since then, I have seen many changes. My sleep has improved, and anxiety has reduced. 

The constant barrage of thoughts that brutally criticize myself has been silenced. I can reply to them, with proof and authority, that I am still here, pushing. It’s interesting what a few months of brutal honesty and an uncompromising work ethic can do for you.

Accepting chaos and relinquishing control

Life always shows up with unexpected problems and challenges to test our resolve. In those troubling times, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed in the face of roadblocks. I had this problem because the stakes were higher.

When you feel that you are at rock bottom, your adrenals will go into overdrive. You will always be focused on checking off today’s to-do list. If, for whatever reason, I couldn’t finish a task or two, I would struggle to sleep.

As a result, I started micromanaging things. It got to the point when I became ritualistic about things that should come naturally. For instance, collapsing into bed and dozing off.

My obsession with doing everything I set out to do in a day was so high that going to sleep felt like a draining chore.

With time, I realized two things. 

First, I am already giving it all every day. If there’s an opportunity to do more, I deliver. Even on days I feel like lying on the bed and doing nothing, things got done.

Second, there will be days when things will go haywire, and there’s nothing you can do about it. The best you can do is try to salvage the situation and move on. Sometimes, the ideal way forward is to cut your losses and continue forth.

At this stage of the year, I was getting back up on my feet. My faith and confidence in my abilities and self increased, allowing me to devote myself more to my duties and actions.

With this newfound wisdom, the right chaos of action is to merge into the chaos and keep flowing from one state to another. The objective should be to maximize the moment, every moment. It takes a few minutes of meditation to look for tasks in my head, then it’s go time.

After I let go and stopped micromanaging things, I felt the weight lift off my shoulders. I can look at myself in the mirror before going to bed every night with a sense of satisfaction. Regardless of the outcomes of the day or the present state of my life, I gave it all.

Such a positive transformation in my mindset happened for the first time in a long time. For the majority of my youth so far, I lived with the survival mindset. Grinding my teeth and going through the day.

However, this change seemed different. It came with a sense of relief and calmness. The anxiety that owned my mind and took it to terrible places was fading away. Fast.

Positive reinforcement and encouragement

When you live in survival mode, you see every day as a struggle. If you have a winner’s mindset, you will envision yourself powering through the roadblocks every day.

On the other hand, if you have a champion’s mindset, you will see every day as the day you lift the trophy. The trophy is you giving it all. Regardless of how chaotic it gets, as long as you maximize the day, you’ve won.

I had realized the significance of this mentality since I was a teenager. Back then, I used to label it as “plan for victories.” For instance, if you are going for a job interview, think of how your lifestyle will change when you are employed there.

Unfortunately, as life kicked the living crap out of me, it is more logical to adopt the Hunger Games mentality. That’s what I did for roughly a decade.

Now, as I’ve matured with age, I can gradually return to the champion’s mindset. It is logical as well. All it requires is a shift in perspective. Wake up, give 100%, and go to bed. 

To facilitate this, I’ve started being nicer to myself. Often, like many people, I am more critical of myself than anything else. And when you go through a lot of rough patches with no signs of respite, you become rude and disrespectful toward yourself.

In the last few weeks, I’ve undone that as much as I could. Currently, my mind is only filled with positive thoughts. The best part is that my thoughts revolve where I want them to. Usually, I stick them on my work and words of encouragement.

My biggest source of positive reinforcement is my achievements. Like many, I’ve achieved a thing or two as well. It may not be as grand as famous personalities and historical figures, but judging from where I came from, my wins are pretty dope.

Usually, I visualize myself doing more and better work. My thoughts remain fixated on the core entities that will drive me forward. For the past few days, I have been quite flabbergasted at how calm my mind has been lately. Yes, I used that word. That’s how weirdly under control my mind is.

Looking forward: Repetition

You become a master through practice. It is pivotal to learn to endure hours of it, especially when it seems fruitless in the moment.

For the upcoming year, the objective is to use the mental tools I’ve developed to keep me on track with my goals in life. 

Every ounce of my energy will be spent on work as I go from one task to another. After a while, it might feel like I am a zombie. That signifies the beginning of mastery.

Just focus on the next task and keep yourself motivated.

Godspeed.